And I opened up my eyes, and I am happy now…

One year and four months have passed since I started my Marketing Executive stint in the corporate world. During this time, an ultimate love-hate relationship between me and my job arose: love for my kickass team (Central Marketing Services Group, wazzap!), hate for the company’s cynical culture and teams.

In the beginning, I had high hopes that adjustment was just taking its normal course, that things would change eventually. They did… then they’d  go back to how they were. It was a tiring cycle, which permanently etched resignation in my mind. What made me think about this the most is how my faith was negatively affected. Despite learning a lot from my supervisors, turning colleagues into friends, and gaining positive feedback on my performance (both through verbal and monetary means) - I was only occasionally happy, yet I stubbornly stayed because of my unemployment fears.

After being drowned by aggressive pushes and experienced advice, I finally found the courage to pray for a new job. Based on practical and emotional reasons, I established June 2013 as my ‘deadline’ - even without a new company by this time, I would leave regardless. However, one huge question plagued my mind: Is this the same as God’s deadline for me? The thought of being self-dependent scared me. What if my decision did not align with God’s better plan for me?

I prayed for a sign… and it came. During one of the recollection sessions I attended this holy week, the minister said, “Get away from whatever keeps you from Jesus.” Get out of your comfort zone, in spite of the countless fears it may produce, because these fears will never go away. All you can do is accept them, and view them instead as the prize of growth. It will be difficult, but remember that God will be with you all the way. Trust that he will lead you to where he wants you to be, in his perfect time and place. Surrender, and let him give you what he wants, for it is definitely better than what you have for yourself. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his.” (Romans 8:28, NIV)

The message was clear: It’s time to let go. :)

Yesterday was my worst day at work yet.

As the case for most Fridays, my tasks were ballistic. After an hour of overtime, my nerves were soothed during a sleepy ride home with my also-tired boyfriend.

I arrived home to find numerous missed calls and panic messages from my team mates, informing me that an important requirement needed for a weekend event was not finalized. Having no idea why it was not done since we emphasized its urgency to the other team handling it, I immediately called my boss, who gave me an unexpected scolding.

Feeling quite ashamed and irresponsible, I lay down on my bed, composing a brief message of apology both on my phone and in my dog-tired mind. After praying, I knew I needed to tell someone about it, someone who’ve experienced a similar situation and could truly empathize… my former officemate and good spiritual friend, Carmelo.

He sent me this very comforting reply after reading my lengthy emotional downpour:

Don’t feel ashamed and irresponsible. You did what you have to do. You took in charge of it but the other side failed and thus blame is still on you because you were in charge. Nothing to worry about. It’s the same for our boss. He got scolded or something by the other team’s boss because he was in charge and he appoints you to do it. Chain reaction. I don’t know how he got mad at you but understand that it’s just work. What happened is a cycle of things. You’ll learn from it actually - that’s what just happened!

Now taking it all in, scream, cry, throw a plate - release to the world, then go back to the chapel and pray - release now to the Lord. You are only human, you have stress, guilt in you that must be taken out. You are Gena, believer of the Lord and so, surrender.

Resigning isn’t an option right now. Find better reasons of doing such - it’s an important decision you’ll have to make. Nothing to prove to others, but ask yourself: what’s next after this, after I make whatever decision, what have you learned. *Scream and pray!

Thanks for trusting me with this. I will sure pray for your courage and wisdom. What I had before is what makes me the person I am now! Always like that. Screams (being scold at) are supplements for greatness.

Admittedly, I am a bit scared of how to face my boss now, but I know that I will not allow myself - more importantly, God will not allow me - to be brought down in the pit of misery for the remaining length of my stay at our company. He will grant me the strength and grace to redeem myself and be a wiser person after this. :)

“The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.” (Nahum 1:7)

My work amigas :) Looking lovely, because we’re too blessed to be stressed!

Meet my office ‘batchmates’: Carmelo, Steph, Kae, AC, Mark, and Kris. We’ve termed ourselves as BTI’s bunnies, just because we’re such a happy (and hoppy!) young bunch of corporate noobies. I don’t think I’ll survive each stress-filled weekday without them. ;)

March 23, 2012
Burger King, MMC
© Kae Carandang

It has begun - the inevitable change that I knew would take place yet I unreasonably hoped wouldn’t come.

Three words pop up in my mind when I think about how to describe my first week in the corporate world: interesting, overwhelming, and lonely. My job as a marketing operations executive for an online gaming company requires me to be basically knowledgeable in the areas of information technology and marketing, which is ironic yet interesting since I actually took up IT before shifting to and graduating as a marketing major. Sabi nga ng mga kaibigan ko, umalis ka nga sa IT, pero dun rin pala ang kababagsakan mo. Hahaha! Since my daily tasks are a mix of these two industries, I need to grow a more in-depth understanding of how they work together in line with the company’s services, so every day I’m taught different things by different people, and it’s overwhelming to absorb and process such a mix of information in a short amount of time. What makes it harder is that I’m the only ‘newbie’ in our team; the other new employees were assigned to different departments, so I have no other person to relate with. I feel lonely, and missing school, my friends, and my boyfriend makes it more difficult. :(

I can’t say that I’m enjoying work YET, but by God’s goodness, my enthusiasm for learning is still very much on a high. Keeping up with my daily quiet time and my social circle is now more challenging, but I’m aware that it is during these times of adjustment that my need for the Lord’s grace and the support of my loved ones is stronger. Just as our salvation is unshakable (Hebrews 12:28), I will not let any ounce of doubt, fear, and loneliness shake my firm foundation: God, in whose promise of hope I will always trust. :)

Your kindness and love will always be with me each day of my life, and I will live forever in your house, LORD. - Psalm 23:6

Makati’s CBD will be crashed by an ecstatic working girl tomorrow!

On my checklist:

• Packed lunch
• Pre-employment documents
• FORMDEV pen given by Doc Sison - I’ve been saving its use for this!
• Every ounce of strength, wisdom, guidance from God plus prayers from my loves

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

My hopes are raised to the highest level - the level of God’s promise. :)